Monday, August 22, 2016

Taken from my website: My websiteAfter months of hoping and waiting for my first series to go to print, The Natalie Edge Series, I finally received the galley print to review. I am ecstatic. All three books will be in one large, printed compilation…so for all those reading on the beach, now is your chance!

Imagine that? Him? Being caught with my book in his hands? Oh the thought makes me squish inside!

What you may not know is that Natalie came from scribbles in my diary. An old-fashioned, pen and paper, no one better get their hands on this diary. What do I mean by that? Well—I felt a deep void inside of me. I knew there was something missing in me, even if outwardly I seemed to have it all. And so, I tried to get back to self-discovery by writing.

I had always kept a journal/diary, since about age 13—quite religiously. The problem? I wrote for myself. I didn’t ever want it to see the light of day. Each week, I would destroy what I wrote. And I mean that quite literally. Destroyed it just in case my parents found it. And when I began teaching, I wrote with my students daily in class and destroyed that as well. We all did. And it was invigorating. I remember students looking at me with a crazed look in their eyes—“Is she fucking for real? All this work we’ve done this semester and she wants us to destroy it if we choose? She’s nuts.” Yup.  I am.

That first time my students starting tearing apart their journals with glee, it was a giddy, cult-like experience. It caught on. There was this nervous energy, not said, but shown in our actions. And after it was done, they realized. She means it. She wants us to pour our souls onto this very paper. She means it. Writing is cathartic. She means it. Write. For. No one. But. Yourself. And they were right. I meant it. Authentic writing can only come from truth. From true writing without censorship.

Publishing is another ballgame. (Funny I make a sport analogy when I hate sports.)  But I do censor myself often when I write for publication. I am actually thinking of a new pen name, one without censorship, one without social media attached, one where I can just write freely without any worries about sales or who likes it and who doesn’t. I may have already started. ;)

So for those of you who consistently ask about my inspiration, what is real/what isn't (and I welcome the questions even though I am extremely private for myriad reasons), I will answer the most common ones here for you about Natalie that I get. It's about time for you to see a little of my diary...

  1. Yes. The places and people of Natalie are based on my real life to an extent. I never danced professionally. I like to think it is because I am too short. I am petite as well and don’t have the typical dancer’s body. But it never stopped me, and I still dance every week to this day for fun and exercise and yes, I have been in productions, but I mostly work more in the community theatres to help with directing and choreographing. I have been known to do a bit with Shakespeare – ahem-- and to be roped into filling in.
  2. No. I have never owned my own business.
  3. Yes. I have lived in and around Boston my whole life.
  4. Yes. I have been to Paris.
  5. Yes. Giselle was the first ballet I ever saw and yes, Nutcracker was a family tradition.
  6. Yes. Redemption is loosely based on real-life events. The first two are fictional based on the emotional rollercoaster of previous relationships.
  7. Yes. Bette Davis is my idol. She was born in Lowell, MA.
  8. Yes. I was raised Catholic and deathly afraid of horror movies and still am.
  9. Yes I have both submissive and emotional masochistic traits.
  10. Yes. I love the dominant male.

Okay. Phew. THAT was cleansing—as if I just got out of the confessional box itself! If you want to know more, ask! I may or may not answer. You’ll have to get your hands on my diary. But sadly, that, my friends, is buried deep into the confines of an endless landfill, somewhere in Massachusetts. For now, enjoy reading the series.

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